When Alignment Becomes Performance

Hey friend! Can I ask you something? When was the last time you felt truly proud of your life not because of what you accomplished, but because of how it felt to live it?

I've been asking myself this question a lot lately. My business is growing, I just onboarded a new employee, my calendar is fully booked, and I'm navigating the beautiful chaos of motherhood and marriage on top of it all. From the outside, it probably looked like I was managing everything well. People kept praising how I was "handling it all."

But here's the truth: I was stretched so thin I could barely focus. The constant tabs open in my head, the overstimulation, the false sense that I needed to be everything to everyone BUT myself it was all catching up to me. Despite all the external validation, I wasn't fulfilled. Something was missing, and I couldn't quite put my finger on what.

I found myself questioning everything: Is this entrepreneur life really for me? Can I just... quit? This wasn't the feeling of success I had imagined.

That's when it hit me:

When did alignment become just another thing I had to perform?

The Lie We've Been Sold

When I dreamed about entrepreneurship, like most people, I fantasized about the freedom and flexibility I would have in my schedule the ability to show up authentically for myself and my family. Yet somehow, the way I was moving wasn't in alignment with where I wanted to be long-term.

Slowly, I began putting on a fake smile, telling myself to just be grateful that I was "successful" whatever that meant. Like many of us, I turned to social media for inspiration on creating balance. We're taught that having the perfect morning routine, time-blocking our schedules with color coordination, and maintaining perfect boundaries will contribute to feeling balanced.

But what if I told you that alignment isn't about how your life looks it's about how it feels to live it?

What if all those beautiful templates we see online are just another way to perform wellness instead of actually experiencing it?

The Cost of the Performance

Here's what happens when we live for the applause: we start disconnecting from what we actually need. There are so many unspoken costs that people don't talk about—the emotional exhaustion, the growing disconnection from what we truly need, the way resentment builds quietly in the background.

For me, the breaking point came during my client sessions. While my clients didn't recognize it, I was burnt out and overwhelmed. I was so focused on all the responsibilities of sustaining a business and managing a team that I failed to recognize I had surpassed my capacity. I was there, but not really there professionally present but personally absent.

Despite managing everything beautifully on the surface, I wasn't living authentically underneath it all. I was performing my life instead of actually living it.

What Alignment Actually Feels Like

Real alignment isn't pretty it's practical. It's the difference between forcing yourself through your days and flowing through them with intention. It's about creating capacity, not just managing chaos.

True alignment feels like your energy moving toward what matters rather than scattering across obligations that drain you. It's honoring your nervous system instead of constantly overriding it because you think you "should" be able to handle more.

A Simple Check-In Practice

Here's a simple way to check in: After your next few commitments, pause and notice how you feel. Not how you think you should feel, but how you actually feel in your body.

• Energized or depleted?

• Open or contracted?

Your body holds the wisdom of what's truly aligned we just have to remember to listen.

Your Gentle Invitation

This month, I'm inviting you to try what I call the calendar audit (yes, like the one from my recent TTT reel!).

How to Do the Calendar Audit:

• Look at each commitment on your calendar

• ⭐ Star what fills you up

• ❌ Mark an X next to what drains you

• Don't judge what you find—just notice it

Then sit with this reflection question:

"Where am I performing alignment instead of practicing it?"

Maybe it's the networking events you attend out of obligation. Maybe it's saying yes to opportunities that look good on paper but leave you feeling empty. Maybe it's maintaining routines that photograph well but don't actually serve your soul.

You Don't Have to Perform Peace

You get to live it.

What's one thing you're removing from your plate this month to protect your capacity? I'd love to hear what you're choosing to release in the comments below.

From my sofa to yours,

Shabrial

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